Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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