You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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