The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
