I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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