They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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