But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
