I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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