I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
