so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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