Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
