Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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