yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
