last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
