Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
