just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
