Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
