How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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