Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
