I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
