I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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