Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
