Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
