Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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