So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
