i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
