he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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