I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
