Can i not drive my cunt home
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
