I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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