dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
