if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
