I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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