Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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