Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
