I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
