Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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