YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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