9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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