i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
