But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
