Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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