Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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