His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
