nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
