I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
