my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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