Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
