I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
