Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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