Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
