Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
