it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Green mimosas i think yes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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