we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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