We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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