I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
