I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
