After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
