Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
