The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
