Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
