My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
