trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
