toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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