He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
