I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
