so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
