I CAN MOONWALK!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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