he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
