she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
