Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
