Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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