thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
