This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
